This is a message from a friend to a friend for a friend to be a friend so that a friend remains a friend of a friend who is a friend forever

Distances are not a matter, when memories are sweet.
Special people are never forgotten alive as a Heart beat

Live By Faith & Not by sight,,, SO whether I see U or not , talk to u or not , I know that u r still the same, a friend worth keeping till the end.

Don't get fear for facing failure in the first attempt... because even the successful mathematics starts with ' Zero' ...

We like ourself even after doing many mistake. Then how can we hate other for their one single mistake. Seems strange but true, think before u hate someone

Every little smile can touch somebody's heart. May u ind hundreds of reasons to smile today. May u be the the reason 4 someone else to smile always...

The best medicine in the world without side effect is a smiling face. I will pray that medicine must be always with u

5 frogs are sitting on a wall.
4 decide to jump off.
How many left now??

................

................................
...............................
..............think............
..............................
..............................
..................................
................................

still 5

there is a lot of difference between
Deciding and Doing..............

Beautiful Quote

"The heart suffers a lot, not because
of 'VIOLENCE' of other people...
but because of 'SILENCE ' of Dear ones.."

" Friends are like crayons, they color
our lives. I may not be your favourite color,
but I hope you will need me somewhere to complete
your picture"

Art of living -2

True care will never go unrecognized,
though one can often makes mistake in
valuing it, But one will definitely
understand once when they start missing it...

Art of living

Dont make frnds.............................
If made, dont go close to them
If u gone , dont like them....
If liked , dont trust them....
If trusted , then dont ever leave them...

A LIKING ADVICE

"Learn the habit of compromise,
because its better to bend a little,
than 2 break a liking relationship"

Engineers

Theory is when u know something but
it doesn't work.....................................
Practical is when something works but
u don't know why?/................................

We engineers combine theory and practical

:- "Nothin works and

We dont know why"..

Reality

People don't change when
u tell them better option,
they change only when they
realise there is no other option.

The best present to give

2 ur partner: HONESTY

2 ur enemy: FORGIVENESS

2 ur parents: GRATEFULNESS

2 God : UR LIFE

Friendship is like a war,
EASY TO START.
DIFFICULT TO STOP.
IMPOSSIBLE TO FORGET.
I am on a war with u .........
I never leave u

EVERY SUNSET GIVES US,
ONEDAY LESS TO LIVE.
BUT EVERY SUNRISE GIVES
US , ONE DAY MORE TO HOPE............................

SO HOPE FOR THE BEST

malayalam joke

Pandu pandoru gramathil oru
sundhariyaya yuvathi undayirunu



......










........








.........



Kuthi Kuthi Nokkenda
ninte okke shalyam kaaranam avale
kettichu vittu

I am not a pencil to write
your happiness,
But I will be an eraser for
all your sorrows...........................

small things

"Sometimes small things in life
hurt a lot"






if u don't agree with me .........









Try to sit on a pin

SMILE

SMILE :-
"S"et u free
"M"akes u special
"I"increase ur energy,
"L"ifts up ur spirits,
"E"rases all ur tensions..!
so keep smiling

Sardar jokes

A Sardar standing near the door

wife: why are u standing here?

sardar: I am going to hunt a lion..

wife: Then go!!!

sardar: How can I go.....
A dog is standing outside

malayalam joke

Ella Daivagalude (God) veetilum
current poyi.....
Brammavinte veetil mattram poyillaa.

why??









THREE FACE

Night is a nice gift,
so open the gift by closing ur eyes
u wil see another world waiting for u
Enjoy it with sweet dreams...

Never break four things in
your life.-Trust,Promise,Relation & heart
because when they break, they dont
make noise but pains a lot...

"Life is nothing when we get
everything,,,,,.
But "life is everything when we miss
something in life"

Dad: IF U PASS in the EXAM i will
Present u 1 cycle
SON: if i fail??
Dad: I will present 10 cycles.
son: why?
.........
.......
........
..........
...........
.......
.?.
........
.......
Dad: To open cycle shop!!!!!!!!!

When Nights r long,
When frnds r far
i usually sit by my
window and think
of u with silent tears. I always
wish u b here , near me ! 2 hit
these mosquitoes..

Life is different than a teacher,
A teacher teaches lesson and
then keeps exams. But the
LIFE keep the exam first then
teaches the lesson

A puzzle

I + Opposite of W + Initial of ice +
Twice of the letter b4 T + 3/4 of X +
15 the letter + 1/2 of O.


If u r genious find the ans & replay....












Ans : I miss you

A motorist hit a sparrow.He took
the unconscious bird and put it in
cage with bread and water.
Bird wakes up, looks around and screams...


"THALLE JAIL!

AVAN CHATHO!!!!!!!"

Friendship is not a game between hearts...
Its a honourable feelings between hearts.

One should understand others feelings
without any words..

Sweetest part in life is to carry all
the memories in life.. But , toughest part
is to say Good Bye to a person who is behind those
memories...

Speaking without egos...
Loving without intentions..
Caring without expectations
Praying without selffishness are the signs
of True friendship....

Friendship should have a deternimation
like MIRROR, which never loses its
ability 2 reflect even if it is broken
into thousand pieces

Ultimate ad

ART OF LIFE

Care should be in heart and
not in words......
Anger should be in words and
not in heart...

HEALTH TIP

ONE HEALTH TIP:
Don't eat maggi,pani poori,
fried rice, ice creams, chocolate and cakes
.....
....
....
.....
......
......
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
....
....
without me

See this CV its tooooooo gud

Distance

Distance can't seperate anyone.
Near can't bind anyone.
If feelings r true & from heart ,
Just close your eyes u can find
the one u miss

Hindi message

Har Aahat Ehsaas Hamara Dilayegi
Har Hawa Kissa Hamara Sunaegi
Hum Itni Yadein Bhar Denge Aapke Dil
Mein Na Chahte Hue Bhi aapko Yaad
Hamari Aayegi

Happiness

happiness is like a butterfly.
If you runs after it,it keeps flying away.
But if U stand still it comes and
sits on ur shoulders.
Wishing you lots of Butterflie

smart S/W engineer

Once a smart S/W engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Ooty in a train. Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma. With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our S/W engineer & that girl. After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark.

Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping.
Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy."

PM thought that,"I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"

That girl thought that,"I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".

Finally, do u know what our clever S/W engineer thought?

"This one minute in my life was wonderful, It hardly comes...because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM"!!

Sardar jokes

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.


Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..

A Teacher lecturing on population:

"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "

A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"

Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!

Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".

Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Gita pe haath!!"

Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"

A sardar was drawing money from ATM,

The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"

Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!

Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

gud one

Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~
A drunkard was brought to court.

Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."


Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
~~~~~~
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
~~~~~~
waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
~~~~~~~
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
~~~~~~~
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
~~~~~~~
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
~~~~~~~
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
How long has what been going on?' said the man.
~~~~~~~
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

Orkut Profile of a software engineer

Orkut Profile of a software engineer





About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me--> "Just stop laughing!!")

Relationship Status : what? Shocked

Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.

Age : 10111
1111
111

Here for : web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)

Ethnicity : Programmer.

Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101

Religion : I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.

Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!

Humor : weekly.

Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.

Smoking : The second greatest pleasure on the earth.

Drinking : The first is this.

Pets: Yeah, my manager looks like a dog. Smile

Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!

Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)

Webpage: naukri (dot) com , jobsahead (dot) com Isn't it Ultimate???

Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.

Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.

Activities: Are you crazy?

Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored.

Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.

Tv shows : can't afford one.

Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meters of my cubicle....

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"



REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0


STATUTORY WARNING: DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.


Best of luck,
Tech Support ...

The Corporate language !!

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"


"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"


"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"


"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".


"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"


"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"


"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"


"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"


"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"


"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."


"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"


"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"


"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

NEWS PAPER 2020

AWESOME ART

beatiful ...... http://naveendavisv.googlepages.com/AWESOMEART.doc

nature doing art

Four things never come back:
" The triggered bullet,
the spoken word,
the wasted time,
the neglected oppertunity"
So think twice and act wise

Classic words for a great friendship:
"Be what you are & say what you feel,
because those who mind , dont matter & those who matter, never mind ."

really funny

Really good one
Last day i got a funny mail. Enjoy it

London Dairy... a malayalam comedy

see the beatiful malayalam comedy that one Malayalee person's description about London.
London Diary

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator:&nbsap; ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared. '
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from..'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!! !--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

biggest resort

translation needed.... anybody

Jab Gabbar Singh ne janam Liya to,
Maa Use bahut maar rahi thi,
Nurse ne Puchha - kyu Maar Rahi ho
Maa Boli - Sala Puchta hai kitne Aadmi the

hindi to english translation needed

Chai k cup se udte dhue me aap jaise dost ki tasvir nazar ati hai, kambakht inhi khayalo me khokar har roz meri chai thandi ho jati hai. ... Good morning

The value of a relation is not how much one feels happy with someone,
but it is the emptyness that one feels without some one

Keep the smile
leave the tear,
Feel the joy
Forget the fear,
Hold the laugh.
Leave the pain be happy forever

A butterfly Lives Only 4 few days but still it flies joyfully capturing many Hearts. Each moment in life is precious. Live happy and win many hearts. Good morning

1 day i hav got a chance 2 visit HEAVEN. There i can see many CLOCKS. I asked 2 an angel abt it. She said " it is a magic clock. When someone in earth do a foolish thing its needle will move 1 second". Then i asked 2 show ur clock, Angel said " sorry i cant show that it. Bcoz our GOD use it as TABLE FAN ".

FACT of ABCD

The letter D will not appear in English numbers from 1 to 99. It wil appears at hunDreD. The letter A wil start appearing at thousAnd. The letter B makes it's first appearance at Billion. But ther is no space for the letter C in English numbers. U may think Crore. But it is not a English word.

A FUNNY INTERVIEW...

Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It NowCandidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?Officer : Mentally Punctur

kids think quick

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."__

_________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

__________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!


___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.


___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."


___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand. ___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.___
________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;

__________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD : A teacher.

linux jokes

1 .Macs are for those who don’t want to know why their computer works.Linux is for those who want to know why their computer works.DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn’t work.Windows is for those who don’t want to know why their computer doesn’t work.


2 .This is Linux land. In silent nights you can hear the Windows machines rebooting.


3 .Three male programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands.He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.Turning to the other two, he says, “At Microsoft, we are trained to be extremely thorough.”The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.He turns and says, “At Intel not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient.”The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, “At Sun, we don`t piss on our hands.”


4 .The box said “Requires Windows 95 or better.” I can’t understand why it won’t work on my Linux computer.


5 .Linux, DOS, Windows NT — The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly





6 .Three people had carpool: a mechanical engineer, a electrical engineer and a Microsoft programmer. But the car suddenly broke down. Mechanical engineer said: "Hey! It has to be the fuel injection. Lemme fix it." The electrical engineer didn't agree: "It's magneto probably. I'll fix it." Microsoft programmer shoke his head and said: "Hey guys, I have a simpler idea: Let's just close all the windows, get out of the car, then get back into it, and it should run!"

7. There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey! Where am I?" To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 180 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

super fun

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.


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Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.


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Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students


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Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE


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Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday


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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!


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Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."


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Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)


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A blind man was begging on side of new york street... with a board written " iam blind.. help me "... once a guy passing that side saw him. he took his board wrote some thing.. from that moment the blind man doubled his income... many started donating to him.. can you guess what he wrote ??..

He wrote " today is a beautiful day, but ican't see it " ....your way of expression can change many thing including others views.!!!!!!!

"Relationship is like a Book, it takes few seconds to Burn.
But it takes Years to b written!!! write it carefully &
never let it burn "

Long ago a person who sacrificed his sleep, his family, his food , his laughter were called saints ! But, now they r called "I.T Professionals "

real friend

If every1 forgets u, I'm wit u...
If every1 lets u down, I'm wit u..
If every1 betrays u,I'm stil wit u..
But if every1 likes u, sorry frnd, I'm wit dem...!

April Fool

Wishing you a very successful and excellent year filled with love,joy, and peace. MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY..! APRIL FOOL

Face challenges Confidently. Think , If I Cannot , who can........
But ..
After Winning , Be humble enough to say, If I can , who cannot

" Erasers are for people who MAKE errors " is an old saying , But a better saying is " Erasers are for people who are willing to CORRECT their mistakes..!!!"

Life before marriage is aritel "You can express yourself "
During honey moon is reliance " always keep in touch "
After honeymoon is vodafone " where ever you go your wifes network wil follows "
then it is idea " a wife can change your life "
After ten years BSNL " your subsciber is out of coverage area "

" Have an Icy morning with Buttering Messages, Chocolaty Calls, Creamy Thoughts, Fruity funs with Plumpy Play Jumpy Joys ...
HAVE A JOLLY DAY..... " Good Morning

If a mobile COMPANY owner suffering frm LOOSE MOTION . how wil he explain that to DR?
Dr, From morning unlimited free outgoing. Then i am getting new new ring tones. There is no balance in my stomach. whenever I am recharging within a minute its getting discharged. Can u plz disconnect my connection ??

clock needle

FR'NDSHIP is like a needle of a clock. Though V r in same clock, Vr not able 2 meet. Even if V meet , its only 4 few seconds . But V always stay connected......

really

Makin a million friends is not a miracle, miracle is to make a friend who will stand with u when a million are against u..... keep in touch

Corporate lesson

A crow was sitting on a 'tree' doing nothing all day ....
A rabbit came and asked the crow whether he also
can sit doing nothing. Crow said sure . Rabbit sat on the 'ground' and a Wolf
came and ate it up.

Moral of the story - " To sit and do nothing you need to be at the top ...!"

superb........

After ENGAGEMENT
she : yes i waited a long 4 dis
he : do you want me 2 leave?
She : No dont even think f it
he : did u luv me ?
She : yes i did, i am doing & i wil do
he : did u ever cheat me ?
she : will die than doing dis
he : wil u kis me ?
she : surely thats my pleasure
he: wil u hurt me ?
she : no im nt tht kind of person
he : can i trust u ?
she : yes
he : oh dear

2 know wht happenz after Marriage read FROM DOWN

touch head

Touch ur heart. U 'll feel rythm oy ur heartbeat. Touch ur wrist n u'll feel ur pulses. Touch ur head n u'll feel rythm of tapping an empty pot.$..Tin..tin..tedin GN

friendship

Friendship is the most valuable gift of life. Making a friendship is not great. But ...... Keeping a friendship is so great. .. Good night

funny

(read as malayalam)
India goverment oru puthiya niyamam irakkiyirikkunnu. Glamour ulla aalukal raajyam vittu purathu pokuka..... ninte okke bhagyam, njan evide poi olikkum?

tea strength

We are like teabags whose true strength comes out when we're put in hot water. So when prblms upset U, just think... u must be God's favourite cup of TEA.

God's creativity

God creatd gud heart: i got it,
He created gud brain: i got it,
He created gud face: i got it,
He created gud frnd



O Hello!!!
U got it....good morning

no comments

'Children in the dark make mistakes' - Swami Vivekannanda
'Mistakes in dark make children.'- Swami Gilmanandha

major enemy

"Liquor is a major enemy of our country. We must finish it. I ll take a quarter, u take a half, Let our friends to take full & lets empty the stocks..."

funny

Brandy + water = Injurious 2 Kidney
Rum + water = injurious 2 Liver
Whiskey + water = injurious 2 Brain.... here
common thing is water. So plz Avoid Water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Touching

"Win a heart which never breaks,Give a smile which never hurts, Make a touch which never pains, Make a Friendship which never ends "

importance of pain

"Hurting is needed 2 mak u grow,failure is needed to make u know, loss is needed to mak u gain. Bcoz best lessons r learnt thru pains only".

SMS world

Its just a hobby to start collecting messages that comming to my mobile and my email id.